(diaryland) March 23, 2004 - 4:42 p.m.

I took part in a very, very minimal brawl yesterday.

I was sitting on the train on the way home from work, minding my own biz. There was a newspaper lying on the seat across from me.

Some guy who was standing behind me on the extremely sparsely-populated train said, "Excuse me - are you reading that newspaper?"

I thought to myself, "Mate, does it look like I am?" Mostly because I was grumpy. But I wasn't angry yet. What I said was, "It's not mine."

So, he reached over and took it while I sat there without lifting a finger, and then he mumbled under his breath, "Thanks for passing it to me." Like, I was supposed to exert physical energy getting the stupid mundane not-owned-by-me newspaper into his hands slightly faster than if he did it himself. Whoomph, says I.

What happened next was that I fumed. I said, "Tchhhh! Psssssss!" I even shook my head a lot.

I fumed for about six stations, and then I got my chance for some physical violence. I'd never initiated physical violence before. This is what I did.

I got up from my seat, put on my backpack, and then 'accidentally' bumped the guy on the way out of the train, slamming the door really hard, hopefully creating a small wind which may or may not have rustled his stupid wrinkly newspaper.

I'm not quite up to 'violent yob' status, but I will slowly but surely get there some day.