(diaryland) October 30, 2001 - 8:17 p.m.

Child, I saw Tigerland on Friday. It was directed by Joel Shumacher, who is a crap director. I think he was trying to be credible in this film, mostly because he�s never really been credible before in his life. �Hey! I will use hand-held cameras for this movie, so people will think I�m hardcore!�

Anyway, I wanted to kill the script. But the acting was shithot. There basically wasn�t a dud actor in the whole thing, except maybe the bad guy. But perhaps that was because the bad guy�s role was so, you know, bad guy. �I�se down�t laaaike whaaat y�all be doooin� theiiire, boooy-eh.� He did make a good typical bad guy, so I cannot really complain about him as a performer.

The Private Paxton dude played a very nice all-american likeable guy. He was our eyes to the action. You know; the guy who narrates and talks about everyone and stuff. He mostly avoided saying the, �We all have the same soul,� shit the guy in Thin Red Line said all the time. I FRICKING HATE homespun philosophies. So that was refreshingly nice.

Private Bozz was absolutely wonderful. He did that �naughty pacifist moody guy� thing super well. He did it without looking like he thought he was really fucking cool, which I liked very much. I hope he goes on to act in other nifty movies, hopefully not directed by Joel Shumacher.

Other random stuff: The sob stories of the supporting characters were all very heart-rending. The sergeants were suitably brutal. I can�t believe the recruits only got an hour�s sleep every night in their last week of training. That�s harsh, man. There were three chicks in the movie, two of which we saw in full frontal nudity glory. But even though the billions of guys were quite often naked, there was no willy action. Disappointing. Not that I want willy action. I just want equal rights for genitals.

Anyway, the most important thing about this movie is that it will make you want to chain smoke for days afterwards. Hell knows I did. Well, actually, I smoked two. Over an hour apart. And then one the next day. Then, nothing.