(diaryland) April 19, 2001 - 6:47 p.m.

Here's a story.

There, on the ridge, was a boy. He wasn�t a very nice boy. In fact, he stole sweets all the time.

He turned around and looked at me. �Piss off,� he said.

I took a step back. I knew I had to do something or my day would be a whole lot worse than when it started. I saw a piece of string on the ground. Red, sturdy string. Like the twine you use in your garden. Except red. Red string.

He looked where I was looking. �Oh, no you don�t,� he said. I decided to just go for it and bobbed down and grabbed it.

�You bitch,� he said.

_______________________________________

You know when Kurt Cobain died, and everyone was all like, �Dude, I cried for fourteen thousand weeks�? I didn�t get it. I was all like, �Erm � how can anyone get so horrendously upset about some guy they�d never met?� I�m a wee bit more appreciative of the guy nowadays, I suppose, but still.

But then when Jeff Buckley died, I was all like, �Now I get it.� I was in bed. I turned on the radio, and the news was on, but it was really, really quiet. �somethingsomething Jeff Buckley something river something�� I was all like, �Oh, shit.� So I lay there for another half-hour and waited for the next round of the news to come on. Sure enough, he was actually 99 percent certain dead. And he was wearing green nail polish on his toenails. I fucking cried, man. I cried for a guy I didn�t know. No more Jeff. No more Jeff. No more tasty albums (even though there did turn out to be, but still, not the same). No more concerts. I just couldn�t stand the thought. No more Jeff. Why the fuck would you go swimming in a dangerous river like that? I asked. Goddammit.

I had a dream once that he and I were spies and we were disguised as baboons and we were running through the forest. It was an awesome dream. I dreamt that dozens of different countries lived down the street. I go up this driveway, I�m in Vietnam. This driveway, Laos. We ran through the Thai tropical forest and ended up in the city. There we took our disguises off and had some flavoured milk. Nice dream.

I still can�t believe it. Trying to comprehend it is like trying to feel how big the universe is. It feels like your brain is made of wax and it�s trying to push its way through your skull. But it just won�t happen. You�ll just be left there, standing in the rain, knowing you�re turning to mush. Metaphorically.