(diaryland) February 04, 2002 - 4:11 p.m.

What kind of fricking town is Melbourne?

Rosie and I decided to go one one of those peddle-o things. You know, those big bikes with huge balloon wheels you peddle around in on lakes and stuff. We wanted to do this on Albert Park Lake.

We went to Albert Park Lake and discovered it was closed because a stupid Grand Prix was being built there. So we went to the city to a tourist booth to get a list of parks in Melbourne that had peddle-o facilities. There were lots of places that seemed to have canoeing things. We thought, if there�s canoes, there�s peddle-os. Or at least, canoes.

We were wrong. We went to five or so different parks, some of which didn�t even have any water. We got to one park, which had a sign that said ��canoe launching pad�, so we ran to it. But it was a bring-your-own canoe deal. We looked sadly at the professional canoeists paddling around, singing, having fun, then we ran off.

The worst park we went to was the one that wasn�t there. The map seemed to tell us to go down this dirt road, but it didn�t say exactly where the park was. By this time, we were really desperate, so we went right to the end of the road and got to a gate that said we weren�t allowed in.

Then we gave up and went to an art gallery.