(diaryland) March 28, 2005 - 12:51 p.m.

I held a soiree at my house yesterday for my family. It was sort of a housewarming, and sort of an Easter thing. I figured that if I baked a few vaguely rabbit-shaped things out of shortbread, and poked little eyes in them with a fork, and tried not to burn them in the oven, and serve them to everybody wildly, then that would somehow get me out of buying bunches of expensive chocolate for everyone.

It was true.

I had to clean the house, though, which was still very messy from us moving in. We still don't know where to store our hardhat collection, etc.

So, basically, I threw everything into the bedroom and just pretended the clothes strewn all over the other bedroom weren't actually there, even though everybody could see them. I decided that if two rooms were clean, then that was enough. I'm glad nobody went to the toilet, because I realised I'd forgotten to get to poo off it.

Good.

So, much fun was had, and my Grandma gave my misshapen shortbread First Prize, which was unusual because there was no other shortbread around to rate.

After everybody went home, I was all proud of myself and shit for 'cleaning' the house, and forgot until bedtime that I'd only pretend cleaned the house, and that Roland was already asleep in the mountain of junk in the bedroom, and that I'd have to either silently leap over him, or crawl around on the floor in order to get to bed myself.

I sort of ended up doing a combination of both. I got my foot stuck in a bag while I was trying to creep around, and then made lots of noise until I got thwarted by some sort of large musical instrument I had wedged into my side of the bed earlier on in the day.

And so, the only choice I had was to leap the rest of the way. I think the problem was that I tried to do a really slow leap so it would be quiet and controlled. In order to do that, though, I had to stick one leg out really far horizontally and that was when the entire groin/arse area of my threadbare pyjama pants ripped open.

There was nothing I could do, however. I was trapped in my bed for the night, and if I needed to take a slash, at least I would have been able to piss down the heating duct without having to bother to move my pants.

It didn't come to that, though.