(diaryland) September 17, 2004 - 10:24 a.m.

So, I played my Beethoven piece at the concert. Surprisingly, the worst part about my performance was the way that after I finished playing, and I waved stupidly at my family, I started trying to walk off stage and got lost and almost ran through the audience exit and right out the building. That wasn't kool. Eventually, I saw an open door and all these silhouettes waving at me to go that way. I ran through there and I was safe.

Anyway, backstage, before I went on, I kept having the crazy drops the professor told me to have to calm down. I couldn't stop dripping the little drops onto my tongue. The stage manager said, "It smells like alcohol back here."

I was like, "Man. It's me." By that time, my tongue was saturated with alcohol. Plus, I couldn't stop talking.

And, afterwards, I was still pumped. I hung around backstage some more in my disgusting handmade rainbow jumper and coached everyone. I was like the performance guru. People would come to me and tell me they were scared. I was all like, "Don't be crazy. You won't make mistakes. You can't. Believe in yourself." Then they would go out there and kick arse.

I like to think it was all because of me.