(diaryland) August 09, 2004 - 2:36 p.m.

So, I attempted to play a little piece so I could be allowed to be in the piano students' concert at university. I played the first movement from a Sonata by Beethoven, Op. 10 no. 1.

In restrospect, I wish I had picked a piece I could actually play.

I was the only first-year trying out, plus all us students got given pieces of paper on which we had to tick "yes" or "no" for people, which scared the shit out of me even more. Also, at home about an hour beforehand, I had forgotten how to play it.

So, when it came time for me, which was about fourth, I put my chewing gum back in the wrapper and ran down the auditorium to the Steinway grand, all shaky-like. My fingers went on the first chord, and they stood there for a while, wiggling. Then they decided to play.

After that, I don't remember much what happened, but it is safe to say that I won't be playing at the concert after all. Which is probably a good thing if I get a complete memory wipe every time I play in public.

Anyway, after about six or so other people, the auditions were over. Then, since we had some time left over, another first-year said, "Hey. Can I just play something and get some feedback?"

The lecturer said, "Sure. Go ahead."

So he ran down the front and played this amazing noisy thing. After we were all blown away, everybody stood up and clapped and shouted, "YOU should play in the concert! Yay!"

This made me feel like total crap and I didn't think I'd ever bring myself to touch another piano ever again, which is hard if you're required to do so in your degree.

I'm totally over the whole thing now, though.