(diaryland) April 27, 2004 - 2:44 p.m.

I had a terribly large weekend. It was so large that I must divide it into three bits.

Bit 1. Friday.

This was a rather banal day, followed by a rather patchy evening. The day consisted of attempting to play the piano in time, then going to university and watching a large number of other students attempting to play the piano in time.

After this, Diane and I took Diane's friend Judith to a terribly pretty pub for a goodbye party for someone named Claire who was going away for a very long time.

Since all of us three are revoltingly socially awkward, we sat down in a corner of the pub with another member of the official party who was also socially awkward, and we kind of lounged on a giant couch looking plain.

Then, the only two beautiful women in the pub came up to us and asked if we were into playing a game of pool with them. I was into it, but the other members of my group kind of looked at them like they were committing some form of crime for being so good-looking and said no.

The beautiful ladies also asked another bunch of butt-ugly girls whether they wanted to play pool too, but strangely enough, they gave the same reaction.

So, the beautiful ladies had to play with these two guys, one of which was good, and one of which is bad.

Whilst playing pool, the beautiful ladies kept on sitting next to me and telling me their life stories instead of asking the guys they were playing with to undress them mentally, which is what most plain people think beautiful ladies like to do.

Therefore, so far, my night was being very informative. Whenever the beautiful ladies talked to me, the rest of my group looked away worriedly. I was kind of secretly freaking out. I was like, "Um, shit. These random beautiful ladies are talking to me. What do I do? Be really amusing or something?" I felt like I had to keep up my end of the bargain because I wasn't contributing by being stunning. It was kind of stressful.

But anyway, after they had gone home, and the other people in my group had forgiven me for talking to such pretty people, something mysterious happened. The other group of plain girls suddenly wanted to play pool. Apparently, it is very, very tough to play pool against such good-looking females but it is perfectly alright to play against the pair of guys if the good-looking females have gone home. It is especially good to wave one's hair about and laugh suggestively a lot. The plainer you are, the more this will happen.

So, anyway, after learning so much in such a small space of time, I suddenly found myself drunk. Coincidentally, I simultaneously rediscovered my brilliant poetry skills. I grabbed Judith's little notebook in which she usually writes terribly witty little rhyming poems, and wrote this:

Now, the township is small.
One day, it will be big.
The men with their brittle noses
will walk up and down the street,
Asking for more dust.

After writing that, I ran off to the toilet and came back to find Diane and Judith thoroughly impressed with my crap poem, and a little taken aback. I think, through their drunken states, they found this new sensitive side to my drunken state which they had never expected.

Then we went through drive-through and got hamburgers.