(diaryland) January 30, 2004 - 10:32 a.m.

So, now I'm all scared shitless about this uni thing.

I realised that I have to work twenty hours minimum a week in order to live, whilst everyone else in the course can get their bed made by their mums and stuff.

And, also, let's face it, I still don't understand why they let me in. There were only about nine spots open for pianists, and they decided to give one of them to a destitute, technically crap but wildly enthusiastic-seeming mature-age student.

That's me, by the way.

Because, in a way, I am kind of crap. Musically, I know a lot of shit. I'm in the know. If you ask me to sing a particular note, I can sing it and do impressive junk like that. But technically, I'm crapper than a dog's arse. This means I get stuck learning really hard pieces a hell of a lot because my hand shapes are totally shithouse. Plus I have an inferiority complex, but that is a whole other story.

And now, I think I'm not allowed to do part-time uni. Some American guy who is the vice-head of the music school says so. Except he doesn't seem to really understand things.

There's no way I can do all the subjects, be crap at it, AND work 20 hours a week.

So, basically, I'm panicking.

I did, however, find two George Michael EPs on the ground today.