(diaryland) November 09, 2001 - 9:03 a.m.

No-one is allowed to ask me out for two weeks. Except for lunch. HINT!

Jon rang the night before last and I severely blasted him for alerting me to the fact that the world is still going on without me. The world exists without me? Huh? PEOPLE ARE NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE FUN TILL AFTER MY PIANO EXAM! It�s not fair!

Here is what I am going to play for my piano exam:

List A � Turkey in the Straw
List B � Turkey in the Straw
List C � Turkey in the Straw
List D � Turkey in the Straw

If the examiner is very nice, I might even play Chopsticks! Another one I might play as a bonus is Hot for Teacher by Van Halen. That�s a classic. Van Halen is a great composer.

One time, Diane asked me to play God Gave Rock and Roll to You (by Kiss?) on the piano, and somehow, I did. It was possibly the lowest point of my life so far.

Here are some things I must remember to do when I go to my exam:

- Don�t piss my pants. One time, I pissed my pants while dancing on stage wearing a leotard and one of those scary chain belt things. The song was Vogue by Madonna. I only pissed my pants a little bit, but the thing was, I wasn�t wearing any pants at the time and I was twelve. That�s too old to pull those kinds of stunts and get away with it. Anyway, every exam I have, I almost piss all over the floor. It�s usually worse in a violin exam, as I have to stand up.

- Don�t get shaky hands. I think I may have to inject tranquilizers into my spine to avoid this problem. Another problem is sweaty fingertips.

- Possibly don�t actually play Turkey in the Straw. Turkey in the Straw isn�t officially in the syllabus, so if I play it four times, and not play anything else, I may not pass my exam, and that would suck.

Here is what I�m supposed to play:

Scales, scales, scales.
Prelude and Fugue 10 by Jo Bach
First Movement of Sonata in A Minor by Wolf Mozart
Juin: Barcarolle by Pete Tchaikovsky
Prelude 6 from Book 1 Preludes (Footprints in the Snow) by Claude Debussy

And here�s how I play them:

Sclaes: I play them like a snail who died on the piano lid.

Bach: Prelude � disaster! Fugue � no problems!

Mozart: I would rather play Turkey in the Straw. Seriously. I bugger up the trills EVERY GODDAMN FUCKING TIME.

Tchaikovsky: Great! Mostly!

Debussy: When I remember how to play it, I kick arse. But my brain stops about halfway through.

Next exam, I would like to learn how to play this one: �What is love? Baby, don�t hurt me. Don�t hurt me, no more.� I forgot who it�s by.