(diaryland) September 11, 2001 - 8:41 a.m.

I went to Melbourne University women�s hockey team dinner on Sunday. I�m not actually in the hockey team, so it made me feel a bit uncomfortable. I was going to pretend to be a Japanese exchange student, but I decided that it was probably not a good idea because there might have been someone there who actually spoke Japanese. We had pizza that was cooked on a fire. It was burnt.

The person to the left of me was obnoxious. She had the sort of sense of humour no-one can understand. �I told my parents I was planning on spending eight years doing my degree! A-hahahaaaaaa!�

The person to my right was hungry and bored.

Then we waited for an hour and a half. Then we ate dinner. That was when we ate the burnt stuff. I wolfed it down. Then the person to the right of me got bored again and the person to the left of me got obnoxious again. The person to the right of me won �most goals this season�, and then we left.

Then we went to an ice-cream place. This was bad, because it was winter. It was also bad because for some reason, I bought a seven-dollar jumbo three-flavoured extravaganza. This caused me to shiver a little bit. This, in turn, caused person-on-right to burst into amazing belly-laughter, flailing around the shop in a most alarming way. We left the shop and went into a park. I'd completely recovered and wasn't shivering one bit, but person-on-right was lying on the ground, snorting. Then, suddenly, she was behind a bush, peeing. This caused me to begin to laugh, but not nearly so dangerously. The laughter aimed at me was like some kind of evil demon spawn trying to drag me down to the depths of hell. Kinda.

What life-experience I have drawn from this story is that you shouldn't waste so much money just trying out pear-flavoured ice cream. It's really not that exciting, and it may cost you your life.