(diaryland) August 16, 2001 - 10:56 p.m.

Granted, I have hayfever at least 60% of my life. And I have a cold at least 30% of my life. And usually in that 10% window I have a blocked nose of some kind.

But I am so tired of answering the phones at work and hearing someone saying yet again, �Ooh. You don�t sound well. Have you caught a bug?� I just must sound perpetually gravely ill or something, even when I�m not actually on the brink of death.

I should probably say, �No. This is my real crappy healthy voice, pinhead. It don�t get no better than this.� But that is not good for my office�s economy. I always have to humour them and say, �Yes! Yes! I am coming down with an illness of some description.�

Then they say, �Poor thing. I just got over influenza. Maybe you have it too.�

Then I say, �Yes, I�m probably going to have to take the week off!�

Then they say, �Yes! I was so crook I had to stay in bed for days!�

I say, �That�s terrible!�

They say, �Yes.�

Then there is an uncomfortable silence where the other person realises that all they have to go on me is that I sound like I�m ill so they have to run away from the personal chit-chat really fast. And I feel guilty for lying to them about being sick and getting them to feel sorry for me to avoid embarrassment.

So they shouldn�t do that.