(diaryland) July 14, 2001 - 12:15 p.m.

Yesterday, my boss, Chew and I went to measure up some housing commission houses. Poor people live in these houses.

We went to the first house, and the lady there had three children. The little boy really wanted us to see his room. When we went in to have a look at his room, he was satisfied so he ran around the house with a broomstick. We went around the house, measuring and Chew wrote things in her book about things that needed improving in the house, like new porch, new windows, and so on. When we went outside, Chew freaked out. There were two tiny, fluffy kittens on the doorstep. "Waaaaaaaaaah! Cats scare me!" she yelled, while the tiny kittens continued sitting fluffily on the doorstep.

I said, "A-boobooowooooo," and started patting them. They went away, eventually, so it was safe for Chew to come outside. They were so very tiny.

The next house was really overgrown. An old lady wearing a dressing-gown greeted us. "Oh, yeah, come inside," she said. She was gruff. "Are you going to demolish my house?"

"Nah," said my boss. "We're going to fix it up for you."

She started to cry. Suddenly, she was the nicest old chick ever. She started telling us about her arthritis, how she doesn't want her daughter to move back in because she's scary, about how she will be needing a new back door because her son kicked it in, etc.

But boy, did that house stink. It smelt like fifty teenagers went to McDonalds and then came into the house and pissed and shat everywhere. There were matresses and cushions and newspaper and weird ugly knick-knacks everywhere. The old chick hadn't been into certain rooms in over a year. It was depressing. The only thing that this nice old chick had going for her was chats with the next-door neighbour. It's nice that we will be fixing up her house, though. And there was a cat and a dog sitting on the armchair that were so cute, I had to make silly noises at them. The dog was called Lamb Chop, and I patted him like a maniac. He was great.

Then we had lunch. Our boss said that the filthy house we'd just been at was nothing compared to some places he'd had to measure up. One time, he went to a house with a man and a lady who'd lived there for forty years and argued all the time and fat was dripping off the ceiling onto the floor. And once, a friend of his went to do work on a house, and they found that the painter had got there early but was passed out on the floor. Disturbing, yet funny.

And then we went to a house for a young guy who lived with his daughter. He'd painted his daughter's room all pink and he drew teddy bears all over the walls. It was sweet. I felt really sorry for him, because he was a really nice guy. But I guess he doesn't need people to be sorry at him.

He's built a massive garage in his yard, sand fixes up old cars to make them good as new for a hobby. He said he doesn't sell the cars afterwards; he just enjoys fixing them. He buys all the parts himself. I hope he manages to find a job one day, because he's really good at it. He and his friends checked out my boss' car.

The last house was scary. A dude with massive rings under his eyes was really reluctant to let us in. Finally, when we were allowed in, it was still kind of scary. There were flags with satanic kind of stuff on them and candles and posters of naked chicks everywhere. There weren't any pictures of wizards, though. I hate pictures of wizards. He followed us around, looking toothless. But he was actually a nice guy too.

So that was my day. I really enjoy having a peek into other people's houses. You get to see their bedrooms and everything. It was especially exciting seeing the people's faces light up when we told them that we were going to improve their houses. They've all had difficult lives and live off welfare. They need a present.