(diaryland) January 22, 2013 - 4:19 p.m.

I rang the police, and said, "I would like to report a robbery." God, it felt exciting to say that into the phone at a real live emergency services person.

Turns out, I didn't have the lingo right. I wasn't actually reporting a robbery. I was reporting a burglary. Now I feel like a dick.

The lady on the other end of the phone said, "was it an armed robbery?"

I said, "no."

She asked, "were you threatened in any way?"

I said, "no."

That's when I kinda realised I had reported the wrong type of crime.

The crime was that some people broke into my work last night, and stole my boss' grandson's laptop. Then they went on an iTunes spree the next morning, and bought Justin Bieber, Ke$ha and Taylor Swift songs using his account. They did not touch my boss' Priceless Pen Collection. I think I can profile the criminals from these details. They also stole the coffee machine in the office below. The lady who works there was so freaked out, she couldn't bear being in the office all morning.