(diaryland) August 28, 2012 - 11:58 a.m.

After a whole week of living in the new house, I have finally attained the RP level of Master of the Shower. I can get it as good as it's ever going to be, which is basically a pissweak stream that's just on this side of scalding.

I think I burnt my scalp twice this week.

What you have to do is, turn on the cold water first. You have to get it just right here. This is the key. Get it going so it's JUST beyond drips. As soon as it's gone a nanometre of a tap turn into the streaming phase, then you're cool. You can turn on the hot as much as you like. It Will Never Be Satisfyingly Ebullient. In a luxurious shower kind of way. This shower is a mean bastard.

Just wait four minutes as far away from the showerhead as possible, hunched freezing in the corner, and it will eventually become bearable.