(diaryland) October 26, 2010 - 10:36 a.m.

I put an elastic band around my mobile phone, just because I could. And also because there is an endless supply here in the office.

I'm reading The American Way of Death by Jessica Mitford. A toff in a stripey blazer talked to me about it on the train. How we laughed.

The book is pretty good. It's about the American funeral industry and the laughable rip-off techniques they use. This morning, I was reading about those stacks of crypts you get in necropolises. Turns out that crypts at 'heart level' cost fifteen hundred bucks more than other crypts. What a crock.

When I die, I'm going to be linked up to this thing that detects I have no heartbeat anymore, and it will suddenly crush me into a tiny cube and catapault me into space. Sure hope there will be an open window.

Sure to startle the whole family.