(diaryland) August 06, 2009 - 9:54 a.m.

I have an idea on how I can win the Turner Prize next year, but I won't actually do it because I'm not an edgy young British artist.

So, if I was actually going to do this, I'd get some police sketch artist and a bunch of people. Maybe this whole thing could happen in real time during the Turner Prize finalists exhibition. Hm, that's a good idea. Someone would sit in a chair, put big headphones on, and listen to a radio personality they'd never seen before. They'd listen to their voice, and think about what they were saying and how they said it. Then, they would describe to the police sketch artist what they thought the radio personality looks like. It's fun because it's audience participation but not in that full-on way when you're being forced to interact with a clown who is juggling in your face or something. When the identikit style portrait is finished, it gets pinned up on the white wall of the art gallery along with the other identikit portraits. Cool, huh?

As an extra incentive to give me the Turner Prize, I would promise that the radio personality would accept the first prize on my behalf. This has two good outcomes. 1: I seem mysterious and reclusive. 2: everyone would want to see what the radio personality looks like, so I'll be way more likely to win the prize. So, the whole getting of the prize thing is part of the artwork.

Hopefully nobody actually knows what the radio personality looks like for real. Maybe I could get some barely known podcaster instead. Yeah, that's good.