(diaryland) July 15, 2009 - 3:16 p.m.

Ugh, I hate being comatose at work.

On Friday night, at my sister's birthday party, I inhaled a schnitzel the size of, I don't know; Liechtenstein. Literally. I literally inhaled something literally that size. Mostly, the reason I did that was not exactly because I was famished, but more because I was afraid. There was a free bowl of chips very near me, and I was petrified at the thought of being so full after a tenth of my schnitzel had been consumed that there would be no hope for the rest of it, let alone the chips.

Everybody says that your tummy takes a while to catch on to the fact that it is being filled, so I took full advantage of that. People say eight minutes. After breathing the schnitzel in, I still had a good four minutes to engorge on chips and pretend to myself that I'd also eaten some of the free salad. I took full advantage of that. Both of my sisters bombed out after half a schnitzel and the one who wasn't having a birthday lost the top button of her pants at the train station later because her stomach burst forth.

So, basically, I win, but I am the most manly sister.

I couldn't put my pyjama pants on properly later that night, but I felt good.