(diaryland) May 09, 2008 - 9:26 a.m.

Well, hello.

Now that my audience is back from her holiday to Japan, I'd better write in this thing again. Gosh.

It was my Mum's 60th birthday party last weekend. I got there kind of late because Rosie and I went for a walk in the morning in the forest and we got kind of lost.

As soon as I got there, people were screaming for me to play Happy Birthday for my Mum on the piano. I don't know how to play Happy Birthday on the piano. I only know how to play really hard pieces of classical music, or Turkey in the Straw. That's all. Sure, I could have figured it out if everybody had cleared out of the room for about 30 minutes and let me ponder it. I could have made a pretty good version. I could have even done it in a key everybody was cool with, as long as it was one of those easy white note keys.

I started to panic. I said, "No, I don't know how to play it." People said, "Rubbish. Do it." They were really pressuring me. I knew that if I did get forced to do it, they would regret it.

I hate the way everybody makes me play the piano at a big party, and they think that I think it's easy. I'm not a show pony. I'm also not being modest when I say no. I'm not really saying yes. I'm just saying that it will sound fucked, and that I'm scared, except in nicer phrases.

And so, by saying NO! over and over again, I eventually got out of it. That's the end of the story. Everybody had to sing a cappella, but they were all disappointed.

Well, they can live with it. I got my hair cut.