(diaryland) October 19, 2004 - 6:19 p.m.

OK, so, after discovering I had stuffed up on my big piano exam yesterday, I shed one medium-sized tear, then lay on the couch with a little blanket and watched The Doors movie. I figured watching the crapness of how Jim Morrison's life turned out, I would feel somewhat better.

It worked.

So, anyway, I have decided not to be embarrassed about the whole thing. This big exam wasn't even for university anyway. it was just a thing I wanted to do. I realised that this year, I have improved so fucking much it's scary. Imagine what I'm going to be like next year, child. I am going to suck in my gut and go into training. I'm going to be like Rocky. I'm going to kick arse at those stupid pieces. I'm going to slave away until I am the MASTER. Anyway, it's not like I failed miserably. I reckon if my exam had been a bit later on, I would have actually been OK.

I was thinking beforehand about throwing out all those pieces and starting again, but I suppose I might as well keep playing those motherfuckers since they're actually tantalisingly close to being reasonably good.

I swear to god, I am so close to not sucking and this has spurred me on. I can feel mastery just around the corner in a dark alleyway.

I WILL BECOME THE MASTER.