(diaryland) October 13, 2004 - 12:03 p.m.

After taking an assload of pisses, I was ready this morning for my diploma piano exam.

Roland and Diane generously took me to the scary building and made sure I didn't pass out on the way across the road. Then, in the scary building, I ran down the hall to take a piss while the crossing-off-the-name ladies crossed off my name on the big list. Then they gossiped.

This all happened before nine AM, by the way. It was early.

Then, after gossiping and moving about a big pile of toy wombats, the crossing-off-the-name ladies took me to the waiting area outside the exam room. Weirdly, Roland was fixing a light down the other end of the hall. A girl doing her Grade Five exam got ushered in and sat down opposite me.

I always like to chat with the person sitting opposite. I like to know that they are shitting their undies too. I told her that she would be fine in her exam, which I find a bit strange since I'd never met her before. But, I sensed it.

Anyway, I got in there and played all my shit on a wild woodgrained Steinway. My playings took about half an hour. I can't believe I know half an hour's worth of stuff off by heart on the piano. That always freaks me out.

Anyway, I played things excellently, yet also craply, sometimes at the same time. I had really shaky fingers to begin with. Then I had bits where I zoned out and fucked up something easy. That sucked, because when I was zoning out, it was because I was concentrating on being emotional.

It's hard to be emotional at two examiners for an entire half an hour at 9:00AM without fucking up quite a lot.

But I kept a straight face in all the numerous wrong bits and didn't run out of the room in tears or anything, so that's OK, I suppose, even though I played totally the wrong chord at the end of my last piece and it sounded like shit.

Then I got asked some piss-easy questions, like, "What else did Chopin write for piano?" I said all these enthusiastic answers which the examiners seemed to think were right.

Then I was done and we all had celebratory cigarettes.

All in all, I am not too sure I passed since it's a fucking hard exam to pass, but I can say that I controlled my nerves way better than I thought I'd be able to so I feel slightly ace.

I'm not going to practice for an entire day now.