(diaryland) December 19, 2001 - 3:47 p.m.

On Saturday night, I went with five friends, who all happen to be diarylanders, and saw THIRTEEN GHOSTS! It was the most hilarious movie I�d ever seen at the cinema � maybe even funnier than Chinese Ghost Story III, and that�s saying a great deal. You HAVE to see it! It�s preposterous! I fricking love it! Though I haven�t seen Glitter yet, I suspect the deadpan hilarity rating for Thirteen Ghosts surpasses that of Glitter in every way. In fact, seeing the uberstupidity of Thirteen Ghosts and getting so much enjoyment out of it kinda makes me want to see Glitter. Maybe I�ll shit my pants again.

Anyway, the storyline of Thirteen Ghosts is that a white family and token black person get stuck inside a diabolical machine-type thing with scary ghosts in it, and they all wear silly glasses and say things like, �We gotta to get out of here, but not without my son!� Some of it reminded me of the movie Cube. Cube had bad scripting too, but not as fucked as this. Oh, and the mum who died at the start of the movie is now a ghost in the machine too! Wow!

Now for a cast run-down. The black person is a nanny, kinda like that chick in Gone With The Wind, except younger, and with more street cred. She is irresponsible. She says things like, �If I ever get outta here, I wanna pay raise!� The daughter in the family is Shannon Elizabeth. She gets to look really glazed and smiley all the time. The son in the family is played by an abysmal child �actor�. I don�t think he�ll ever get another movie part. His acting range is better suited to McDonalds commercials. The Dad just gave me the shits. That guy from Scream plays an unintentionally hilarious psychic guy. He�s just always screwing up his face. For some reason, he feels like getting killed by a ghost near the end of the movie.

The best character, though, was played by Embeth Davitz. She is like some kind of renegade ghost emancipator. The hands-down best part of the movie is when Shannon Elizabeth is getting her top ripped off by a ghost, and Embeth Davitz appears from nowhere, rescuing her and stuff. It�s just so fucking ridiculous. Then she whips out this Very Important Old Book from her backpack to explain what is going on, and says, �Many people died trying to get this book.�

At this point in the movie, all six of us were laughing our arses off, and we were in the second row from the front. I don�t know whether anyone else found us annoying or not. But I literally had tears rolling down my cheeks and I was thwacking the chair in front like a demon.

Embeth Davitz kicked arse. As this renegade ghost emancipator chick, she took her role so seriously, it was priceless. She had a gnarly nosering and celtic-style tattoo on her hand, stuff you gotta have when you�re a renegade ghost emancipator chick. She was all like some kinda unstoppable action-movie dominant female, until the Mysterious Uncle appeared and showed her who was boss. Phew! That was close!

Oh, yeah, and the ghosts were all cool too.

Anyway, I was actually slightly scared in some bits, and was never bored. I give this movie fifty billion stars, and it made me want to see Glitter. Yay for so-bad-they�re-fucking-fantastic movies!