(diaryland) May 14, 2001 - 8:20 p.m.

Every time I leave my parents' house, the light in my car won't go on. I have twenty keys and it's hard to find the one to put in the ignition. It knows that I don't really want to leave. I cried last night when I went home because my Dad wasn't hugging me anymore and my Mum wasn't giving me advice anymore. I only live a few blocks away. I am 22.

When my Grandad was 22, he had already moved countries twice and his Dad had already died in a concentration camp somewhere and his brother had already killed himself. I wonder whether he used to cry a lot. He showed me how to change the wheels on my car the other week.