(diaryland) April 22, 2001 - 12:14 p.m.

Listen to me.

Do not play The Sims.

If you have bought it already, or received it as a present, but haven't installed the game on your computer yet, then just put it down and back away slowly. If you've already played it, then I know. You can call me up and we can talk about it any time.

Roland, Diane and I are addicted. It's the most evil game ever. It takes your own life, sucks all the organic matter out of it, and you're left with a chuckling, pasty shell that sits in front of the computer all day.

Far example: yesterday, many things happened to Diane's little family, Dwayne and Morag Bottomscratcher. Dwayne lost his job, Morag got it instead, and Dwayne set fire to the stove, twice. He died in the second fire, then turned into an urn which Morag mourned for a while about. Then she went and played on the pinball machine. Diane misses the way Dwayne used to juggle at everyone.

I'm not even going to begin talking about my little family. Time goes by so quickly it'll be the next morning before you've realised it was lunchtime the previous day.

I've even started thinking of my own life in terms of the Sims. I think, ooh, my comfort levels are too low. I must sit down. And my hunger levels are quite low too. I must create dinner. Come to think of it, my bladder needs emptying and I must give others back rubs to increase my social and fun levels simultaneosly.

"World domination. Same old greed."